My future

and all of it's future-ness.

So I've been skyping with a friend frequently, and we decided that in the next two or three years we should get an apartment together, and while I'm excited I'm also nervous.

I mean I have never lived with anyone besides my family and in theory, having a roommate would be nice because you wouldn't really be alone, but in reality it would be weird. I mean we're very compatible in many ways, but I have no idea what her living habits are like, and I don't want to have to explain things, or what if I need alone time, and she's around?

It sounds really stupid, but that's my fear.

Also since I've been focusing on losing weight, I've lost two pounds since last Friday. So two pounds in one week? That's good! I talked to Ashley tonight for over three hours and it was really nice just to chat. I told her about something that I never really talked about before, she completely understood and it made me happy.

Sometimes all I can think about is;

why aren't I rich?

Since joining pinterest, I have suddenly caught the decorating room bug and it sucks.

I want to remove everything from my room and buy new furniture, but I'm not rich, and I'm not nearly strong enough to do that.

I got a flu shot the other day and my arm still hurts a little. The nurse walked in with a needle and was like, "You never got a flu shot, did you?" I shook my head and she gave me the shot without warning. Nice lady. >.>

I got blood work done yesterday. I asked the man to do it in my hand because I hate when they do it in my arm, and he was like why? Why? Because I pass out if you do it in my arm, that's why. Plus I had to fast for this one, so obviously I wanted to be out as soon as possible. I was less afraid over the actually blood work, than him trying to find a vein. I was afraid, he wouldn't be able to find a vein and he would have to stick my arm.

After that, my mom took me to a farmers market and I got breakfast. I got a bagel and some coffee. It was good coffee, okay?

I went to work yesterday and today and it was pretty nice. I spent like half of my shift refreshing the isles, meaning, I pulled the stuff forward so it looked nicer. I don't mind doing that, I'm left alone.

Wow this is a long post.

I knew facebook was a dumb idea.

I made a facebook in 2007, and deleted it in August of 2010. I made a new one in September of 2011. For the most part, I enjoy facebook because it's a way to talk to people quickly when I need them, see what's going on with people, and keep in touch when old friends. That's all fine and dandy, but lately it just feels weird. In December my friend amount went from around 70 to 100. I was sending out friend requests left and right, I blogged about it before. It feels weird because it brings back my past. My past is a touchy subject and one I don't like to talk about a lot. I was bullied a lot and I like to not think about it. I think my life has been great the last several years, and I plan on keeping it that way.

Basically this all started when I was lurking my brother's facebook. My brother has a lot of friends from my school in New York, and I was going through his friends and I was just in shock. Some of these people really grew up and look so adult-like now and it's astounding. Some look like a bunch of rich twats but what can I say, once a rich twat, always a rich twat. I stumbled upon someone I used to consider a friend. She wasn't a good friend, but she was a friend. My first reaction was to add her and see what's going on with her life, but when I looked at her profile, I noticed that she was friends with a lot of people that bullied me. When I say she wasn't a good friend, it's because she was friends with people that bullied me but she never stood up for me. My mind keeps going back to this day in 2008, and I don't like thinking about that.

I made a thread on Perc and someone said, add her, but block the people you don't want to see. So I did, and guess what? Nothing happened. She accepted the request, and that was that.

It's interesting that I get so worked up over nothing.

Stupid irrational self.

But alas, it still brings back memories of my past and I will always have those memories, but I can move on though. It's taken 10 years to move on.

I hate feeling unmotivated.

For as long as I can remember, I have never been motivated to do things, unless I was interested in it, or I would get something out of it. But lately I haven't even been motivated to do things I enjoy. I have so many DVDs, movies in general, and TV shows to watch, books to read, stories to write, but I have no motivation. I know when you lose interest in things you once 'loved' that's a symptom of depression and I have been dealing with depression since 2006, but I fail to believe that depression caused all of this.

Lately I have been really into pinterest, and I spend too much time on there. Maybe I need to turn off my laptop, and read, but I doubt that will happen.

I hate getting excited for things.

Over the years I have learned to never be excited for things because something will ruin it. Or it will just not happen and that's still upsetting.

It seems that every time I make plans, they never happen and it makes me annoyed because I actually was looking forward to it.


Ignore me, okay?

I'm also annoyed because I was supposed to work out today but I didn't and now I feel weird.

My weird, fucked up logic.

So I decided I wanted to buy a Vera Bradley lunchbox because A) I like their designs. and B) (This is my weird fucked up logic.) Because it will help me lose weight and save money.

Lately at work when I work a 6 hour shift or longer, I buy something to eat when I'm on break. Which is usually a slice of pizza and a diet coke. (I love diet coke not because it's zero calories, but because it just tastes good to me.) Which A) costs me a lot each week, and B) It's fattening and not good. Now, I don't do that every day, but usually twice a week, and that's not good.

I decided if I spend a lot on a lunchbox (36 dollars, plus 8 dollars for shipping.) I wouldn't buy pizza anymore because I spent so much on a nice lunchbox so I would want to bring lunch, and B) If I stopped buying pizza I would save money in the long run.

So 36 dollars now seems pricey, but in a few months, I'll be glad I did it.

Also my neighbor wants to sell his car so I want to buy it. So I need money.

Okay, I'm done ranting.

What have I gotten myself into?

I made a pinterest last night because I saw a friend had one and it seemed really interesting. I liked it because it's categorized, so it's not messy and I can have dozens of boards filled with different themes. It was like when I had a tumblr, except now I can post anything I want in different boards. It makes me happy.

Not that anyone cares but here's a link.

Carry on.