I feel like I shouldn't care but I do.

I hate feeling like #whitegirlproblems (Please ignore that.) but I'm just annoyed. So my birthday is in a little over a week (December 9th) which happens to be a on a Sunday. My aunt is coming over the day before, she's making me a cake and we're getting a pizza for dinner. That made me have feels when my mom told me that my aunt wanted to come over. I'll be working on my birthday for a fact because that Friday I'm getting my wisdom teeth out and obviously I requested off Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and more than likely Monday. So since I requested off that Friday and Saturday, those will be the two days I have off for the week so I will unfortunately have to work on my birthday. Not that I necessarily mind because Sharon is making me a pumpkin cake for my birthday and she will officially be my favorite person. That reminds me, I'll be so sad when Linda leaves on December 8th to go to the new store. I will probably crey. Which is crying but only not really. Anyways, I don't mind if I work on my birthday but I want to open my gifts and enjoy my birthday the best I can. But Drew will be working until late so we can't open gifts and we have to celebrate some other day and I don't want to because I'm stubborn and I want my birthday to be my birthday. #whitegirlproblems.


In other news, I bought new pants for work and I went to Kohls and bought a sweater and Samy was working and we talked for a few minutes. Some lady at walmart recognized me from Weis and I was like, time to quit, people are recognizing me. Also the Dark Knight is on and that's my favorite movie and tomorrow Inception is on and I think I might cry because of feels. Ignore me and carry on.

That reminds me, I need to re watch Holy Musical B@man! and fangirl over Jeff Blim.

My birthday/Christmas wish list

My birthday unfortunately is on December 9th so I always feel like it's combined with Christmas. It's much easier to write one list of things I want for my birthday and Christmas instead of two.

I really want the Dark Knight Rises and the Avengers on DVD. As well as the first part of the seventh season of Doctor Who

I also want a copy of Lana Del Rey's new CD Paradise. I bought the CD off of itunes but I still want a psychical copy of it.

Macarons from macaroncafe. com

There are a few other things I asked for but at the moment I am blanking.

I also want a bag from Vera Bradley that I plan on buying with my own money with this amazing gift card I got from them for being a member.

I also want the first season of American Horror Story which I also plan on buying myself.

Damn my underdeveloped Fe

So I made a post the other day about work and seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time and I wanted to make a proper post about it.

So many feelings or "feels" as I call them came at me all at once and I didn't know what to do. At first and I mean half of the day after that happened, I spent that time smiling like an idiot and I mean genuinely smiling and just in a better mood and a feeling of what the fuck just happened? I mean I wouldn't have thought in a million years that I would ever be 'friends' with her again. I use friends lightly because I don't know if we're friends again, we still have so much to talk about. It felt so weird to see her name pop up when I got a text message. When we talked it was like no time had passed and we talked about shows and music and it was really nice to just talk to her. As the day went on that feeling wore off and I felt lost and confused. I mean sure I was beyond happy that this person I used to call my best friend could potentially be a friend again but I was nervous as well. Of course being an INTP means our feelings come all out at once like a child and we just need to feel them and once we've calmed down we think it over. Now I don't mean every feeling just powerful ones because remember feelings don't matter to us and we don't show them or even let ourselves feel them. Anyways, after all of the happiness wore off I became extremely logical and I couldn't stop thinking things to the point of insanity. I started being very hard on myself and just being downright mean, thinking things like so what if she was nice to you she still doesn't like you, or even if you became friends it won't be like before. Now I was just confused and emotionally drained and I needed to talk to someone. I figured since Sophie and I have been talking a lot lately and she's usually a good voice of reason I would talk to her. I spilled everything to her and she thinks the best thing to do is talk, and I mean face to face not over text messages, like go to a cafe and talk over coffee which sounds really nice and I think that would clear all of my feelings away.

I really want to be her friend again but I don't know how to, I don't want to open myself up to her and think oh we're bffs' again but turns out she doesn't want to be close. I can't handle being hurt again.

Ignore this really long and pointless Fe filled blog and carry on.

More photo blogging

I may have deleted my tumblr but that doesn't mean I can't photo blog.
All pictures are from flickr.

The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday

Somebody I used to be really good friends with was at the supermarket I work at, training for the new store. We haven't talked in two years and she was there and she was nice and we talked and it was like nothing happened. I'm worried because I don't want to trust her and then be screwed over again like the last time.

Sophie suggested that we talk everything through and I think that would help. I feel like the first step towards healing our friendship is to get all of the negativity out first.

What my tumblr looked like

I was a photography blogger.

I really want macarons

I have wanted to try them for a very long time now but no one knows what they are or won't bake them for me. There's always buying them online but I want to try one before I spend so much money for them.

Aren't they just amazing looking?

Is it December yet?

It seems like once Halloween is over, everyone skips right over to Christmas and while it makes me practically giddy with excitement thinking about December, it also makes me sad because November exists and people seem to forget that. My neighborhood was smart and they didn't decorate at all for Christmas until today, the day after Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was really nice, I went with my mom to my aunt Barb's house and there were probably around 15 of us all together and we ate and ate, and watched TV after dinner, and talked. At first I felt my energy being drained the second we pulled into the driveway but to my surprise I didn't feel out of place there. All of my aunt's friends are really quirky and amazing so I felt like I could be myself and not chameleon. I didn't want to leave last night but of course it was dark and we needed to leave.

Here are some pictures.

That was the table setup, it was cute and I loved the plates and the little apple pilgrims or Indians on top of them.

That's all of the delicious food. I loved the setup, it was all cutsey and fancy. My favorite thing was the 

stuffing and the cinnamon bread.

All of the delicious deserts. I had a small slice of the pumpkin walnut cake, and the chocolate chip cheese cake(it was really a pie). I tried a small forkful of the chocolate peanut butter cake, which of course was amazing. I didn't try the pineapple one though but apparently everyone loved it.

where to find me

If you're interested, which I know you're not.. But if you are this is where else you can find me.

Listography
Personality cafe I'm badgers
That's it for the moment. I did once have a tumblr and twitter but no more.

I want to make a new tumblr, but it makes me sad because I loved my old one. I had 1700+ followers and I had great friends on there, so now if I made one I would be so disappointed because I wouldn't have nearly as many followers. Which I don't necessarily care, it's just that knowing that I had that many before means I will have to work super hard to get that many back. Another thing is, I have no idea what kind of blog I want to be. I really love photography and the 'hipster' blog like I had before, but I also love my fandoms. I also like fashion and pretty things like that. I know it shouldn't matter but I won't get any followers if I don't stick to one thing. Plus it takes too much effort to have a good blog, I could do it when I wasn't working, but now that I work I won't have the energy to blog.

I deleted my twitter recently because I didn't have anything to tweet about, and I would go a week without tweeting and I would lose followers. The most I ever had was 120 when I deleted I had about 97. Maybe I'll make a new one but for now I'm good without twitter.

At the moment listography, personalitycafe, blogger, and of course facebook and youtube work for me.

I'll never understand

Why people stop talking. I don't mean like they got into a fight and they stop talking, because that makes sense. I mean just randomly.

I have a friend who I thought I was close with but she randomly stopped talking to me. I don't really understand what happened because we never fought, she just stopped replying. I don't want to jump to conclusions and assume she hates my guts but sometimes that's how it feels.
I just really needed to get that off my chest.
Carry on.

Childlike excitement

Apparently something INTPs have is childlike excitement and I definitely agree that I have it. I rarely get excited for things because nothing excites me, simple as that but I get so excited this time of the year. It's like once September starts, I gradually become more and more excited. For one thing, the weather is cooling off, the neighborhood brats are going back to school, and good TV shows come back on. Plus pumpkin things are coming back which can only mean one thing, Halloween! At least, when I think of  pumpkins I think Halloween. Don't judge me.
October has always been my favorite month, I'm not 100% sure of the reason, but I'm sure Halloween has a lot to do with it. I just October so much, the weather is perfect, the leaves are so pretty, the anticipation for the Holiday season is starting, and of course as I have mentioned 574574854 times so far, Halloween is in October. I remember being in 6th grade and I was reading the Halloween Babysitters Club book and watching my friends' rabbit while she ran errands with her mom, and I remember sitting on the couch and getting so excited for Halloween, and for some reason every time I breathed in I just felt the fall air. Which I know doesn't make any sense, but I swear I can just feel the fall and I get so excited.

Of course this Halloween, was ruined by dis bitch named Sandy but I guess that's okay because I was sick anyways.

For a few weeks now I have been fighting off the urge to put up my little pink Christmas tree in my room and the only reason I didn't put it up was because it was still October and I didn't want to seem obnoxious. I know no one would see it besides my mom and brother but I still felt obnoxious. My best friend surprised me last night with a phone call and that made me happy, we eventually started talking about the Holiday's and she said, "You know what? Who cares if your family thinks it's obnoxious to put up your Christmas tree in November, it's not like it's September besides, if I makes you happy, do it!" So I put it up today and I'm obviously very happy about it.

Sorry about the horrible quality, I used the webcam on my laptop. Basically I put up the little green balls, Power Puff Girls ornaments, and really little Spongebob ornaments. They're the only really small ones I have, so hush. :p

I'm not one to care about my birthday, but for some reason once September comes around I think, oh geez my birthday is in a few months. Once October starts, the feeling grows stronger. Now that it's November 4th  all I can think about how my birthday is next month (December 9th) and that excites me but annoys me that I keep thinking about it. I started working on a list of things I want for my birthday or even Christmas, and to be honest, most of what I want are DVDs and Lana Del Rey's new CD.



I'm just really excited for Christmas okay? It brings out this childlike excitement that probably annoys people.