So many feelings or "feels" as I call them came at me all at once and I didn't know what to do. At first and I mean half of the day after that happened, I spent that time smiling like an idiot and I mean genuinely smiling and just in a better mood and a feeling of what the fuck just happened? I mean I wouldn't have thought in a million years that I would ever be 'friends' with her again. I use friends lightly because I don't know if we're friends again, we still have so much to talk about. It felt so weird to see her name pop up when I got a text message. When we talked it was like no time had passed and we talked about shows and music and it was really nice to just talk to her. As the day went on that feeling wore off and I felt lost and confused. I mean sure I was beyond happy that this person I used to call my best friend could potentially be a friend again but I was nervous as well. Of course being an INTP means our feelings come all out at once like a child and we just need to feel them and once we've calmed down we think it over. Now I don't mean every feeling just powerful ones because remember feelings don't matter to us and we don't show them or even let ourselves feel them. Anyways, after all of the happiness wore off I became extremely logical and I couldn't stop thinking things to the point of insanity. I started being very hard on myself and just being downright mean, thinking things like so what if she was nice to you she still doesn't like you, or even if you became friends it won't be like before. Now I was just confused and emotionally drained and I needed to talk to someone. I figured since Sophie and I have been talking a lot lately and she's usually a good voice of reason I would talk to her. I spilled everything to her and she thinks the best thing to do is talk, and I mean face to face not over text messages, like go to a cafe and talk over coffee which sounds really nice and I think that would clear all of my feelings away.
I really want to be her friend again but I don't know how to, I don't want to open myself up to her and think oh we're bffs' again but turns out she doesn't want to be close. I can't handle being hurt again.
Ignore this really long and pointless Fe filled blog and carry on.
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